Simple Gifts

I actually tried writing an entire story to those two words. It's actually a lovely song, but I want to present to you my own interpretation, or at least how I used to view it.

Don't worry, I'll make this first part short and sweet so you can click a little link in case you're interested in more ;D

The song "Simple Gifts," written by Elder Joseph, simply goes like this:

 

'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free
'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gain'd,
To bJow and to bend we shan't be asham'd,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
J by turning, turning we come 'round right.

 (Citation: Elder Joseph, Wikipedia Article)

 I used to think that simplicity for simplicity's sake was atrocious. I didn't want things to be simple unless there was a specific function for its simplicity. For example, Apple computers. Honestly, I never truly liked the idea of a computer where you couldn't modify or tinker around with. I especially dislike the penalties involved when you actually do modify anything within them (that's why I use a PC). However, there are some people that do appreciate the simplicity, so I can understand why.

My mind, in its weird way, anticipates everything to be complicated. I'm not even sure why this is, it simply is. Which brings me to my next point. I honestly have no clue how to handle things that have a simple answer such as "it just is." It depends on what it is, like computers (they simply are the way they are and if I feel like changing that, I just find a way to do so). But if it's purely linked with my emotions, like why others even care about me to begin with, it's hard to accept a simple answer. After all, it definitely isn't a simple question.

I suppose it comes from my past, since I was not exactly free from the abuse of children. I'd be "friends" with someone one day, and the next day I learn it was just to benefit them somehow. Usually it was so that they would seem "cooler" for hurting me emotionally. Don't ask how this works, I don't even fully understand it. All I know is that some people needed to cause pain in order to feel better. I sincerely hope those same people no longer view the world in that sort of way.

But now, I have a problem that has taken years to get to the heart of, and it still sometimes gnaws at me. I am stuck in the complex loop of why others care about me. Maybe I don't feel worthy, or maybe I am just used to not being cared about...but then I overcompensate for that by getting so many friends that I can't handle them all.

And then, there are times I need to be alone for long periods of time (I'm actually just now starting to get out of  that portion of thought for now). Not all of those friends can understand that, so they either are hurt because of it, or they forget everything that happened...sometimes both. So, I never have that true circle of friends unless they somehow manage to stay by my side without being directly involved.

But, because of this endless cycle, I'm starting to wonder if there is a simple answer. A "simple gift" in its own right. Maybe it's all like this simply because it just is like this. Here, let me rephrase: Maybe the reason why I keep going in this cycle of thought is because I feel the need to continue to process it until such a point it no longer needs to be processed. Until I find a point in which I no longer need to process it, it will still keep going.

 If that is the case, then I've already found my "simple gift" of an answer. Since there is no other answer I can conclude, I suppose I'll have to stick with that for now. But, what do you all think? What simple gift are you looking for?